Cuckolding. The Step Child of BDSM?

I have found at times among the blogs I follow,  that the subject of Cuckolding seems to create the most judgmental discussions.  I am baffled why this is so.  It also baffles me why people bring it up as a topic and others chime in and condemn it when they have no professed experience or interest in Cuckolding.  I thought when I left the narrow minded vanilla world behind that I also left behind judgment and condemnation.

There are many aspects found in the alternative lifestyle of BDSM. Many things I don't understand, or have an interest in but I also know it doesn't matter what some people do together, whether it triggers me or makes sense in my world. My take has always been, if that is authentically who you are and you have found a person or people that feel the same... Hooray for you!  Enjoy!  Be happy!  What you do or don't do doesn't affect me one way or the other.  Just as what triggers me and those I chose to have in my life doesn't hinge on your understanding or opinion.  I can live with that.  Happily.

If you have followed this blog long enough then you know one of the reasons I started it 2 1/2 years ago was to shed some light and bring some flesh and blood to the subject of cuckolding.  Much of what is portrayed as cuckolding online is porn and fantasy. Hopefully what you have read here concerning the relationship NB and I had helped to shatter some of the misconceived ideas.

Bottom line.... Whatever wiring lives inside your sexual heart, it's about finding that counter-part partner that brings your fantasies to life.  It's the foundation between two unique people, their personalities, how they mix and what evolves out of that mixture.

The relationship that flourished with NB was built from the foundation of honesty, integrity, trust, deep intimacy and a love and respect for each other. Just as any other relationship should.  His demons played very well with mine!  ;)

Below are some other cuckold couples I follow and who are very different from what we had, yet the foundation is the same.  The men are always faithful.

http://mrsemmakelly.com/
Mrs Kelly's Playhouse - EM & Scott

http://mysexlifewithlola.com/
My Sex Life with Lola - HH & Lo

http://cuckoldletters.blogspot.com/
Cuckold Letters - Vanessa Chaland


Three very different blogs, yet all truthful and authentic to who they are as couples.

So, can we all agree that within the alternative lifestyle of BDSM, there are many thoughts and ways.  But as a people looking for freedom, can we please extend the same freedom and acceptance to others as we ask for ourselves.  If the subject of cuckolding threatens you some how.  Then you need to find out why.

For those I know who flourish in it....they know why it works for them.

h

ttp://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/88189609094/lovemeravilla-l-m

A Bored Dominant is Dangerous.

Unhinged!  I am becoming very fond of that word! The longer I go without a primary cuckold in my life, the deeper and stronger my need becomes to take, to control and to make mine! My desire to see that longing in his eyes, the hunger mixed in every breath he takes and the craving for me to make him mine again and again becomes dangerous!  Yes... I'm very bored!  And the one who I finally land on will feel and experience the brunt of this boredom that must be driven out.

It's going to take plenty from that man to satisfy the appetite that has been growing over these last few months. He must come to me with a hunger that will match my own. A power that with every nerve ending within him twitching, he holds back that strength only to lay it at my feet. I must experience and see with every touch of my hand and brush of my lips against him, his body lunging to devour...only to be controlled again. My ears long to hear his shaking need trembling from his lips; begging, howling as his demons rise within him wanting relief. I want him UNHINGED!

Awwww... Just the thought of it makes me feel a bit nourished.  ;)  But... Just a bit!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/79826439636/love-her-character

What I'm Thankful For.

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/68379069600/this-this-right-here-is-the-form-that-always-gets

This!  This right here is the form that always gets my attention. Toned, not bone skinny. No bulging muscles that give me nothing to hold on to and caress when I'm feeling soft.  A form, that in my eyes says 'testosterone' and I want all of it!  A beautiful cock that promises pleasure, fullness and lovely hanging balls!  Dark hair because I like dark things. ;) And eyes that look with passion. He makes me Thankful! 

And also this...

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/66346536609

What else makes me Thankful this day are the memories I have of NB and our relationship. Even though I have no idea what the future holds and if we'll ever find our way back together again, as I thought of what I was Thankful for, my mind kept going back to him and his beautiful submission. So setting loss, hurt and heartache aside, I'd like to share the beauty of that submission.

There was nothing pretentious or insincere about NB's submission and his cuckold wiring. It has been deeply rooted since childhood and how it manifested throughout him was the driving force for me in my dominance over him. I am thankful for all the vulnerability he exposed to me; the beauty of his heart and the pleading in his eyes as I would take more and more control of him in ownership. I loved watching the struggle between the Alpha man he was to the world and the little boy inside wanting to be completely owned. Even at times needing desperately to be 'taken' by force. 

Which brings me to his lovely, adorable ass that I loved to prove my ownership as he groan with pain, mixed with pleasure, not sure if he could take more, then after, shyly asking for it again.

Today NB, I choose to be Thankful for you. Many emotions run through me these days, from frustration, anger, disappointment, confusion, sadness...but also softness over all we shared. I am thankful for the beauty of your honest submission to me and pray someday I'll find that again.

~ Vista

Because When You Look at Me, You See Me.

Not five minutes after checking into our room, but clothes were off and flesh was pressed against flesh as we said hello to each other's body after a six week separation. The role playing and kinky fun always comes later, after we have established our foundation once again. At first the hunger for each other is too great and I know for me, I just need him close, so close.  I need to feel him, smell him and enjoy his touch and kisses once again. 

After a great dinner and then back to the room for more lustful indulgence, we basked in the afterglow and tender, intimate conversation naturally flowed from the heart and started to fill the room.

I quietly listened, being held close to him by his arms and pressed against his body. He shared the depth of his heart with me, and then ended by saying, "But the greatest reason why I love you is because when you look at me, you see me."

I was quiet at first. Just letting what he just said settle gently down on us and take root in my heart. This...This is what I wanted him to always understand. And now I was hearing it from his lips, unprompted, unrehearsed; a revelation that finally came to life inside him. A truth of our foundation. 

One of the things that attracted me to the D/s life, besides adoring submissive men, was the openness and willingness of others to be vulnerable and dare to find their true selves. To find people not afraid to go against culture, society and whatever rule book that told you as you were growing up that there was only "this" way to live, act and feel that was acceptable. 

To know that NB finally understands that I love all the ways about him, accept them, in fact, adore them, because they are all a part of what makes up 'HIM'!  And every crazy, kinky and straight way about him, fits very nicely into me! For him to know and understand that I have no desire to change ANYTHING about him! That he is accepted totally and that when I look at him, I don't see a man that is on his way to becoming the man I want, but he already is that man! The greatest gift he could give me, was that statement. That I SEE him. Naked, open, vulnerable...exposed ..and love him unconditionally. Isn't that something we all yearn for? To be truly known and loved for the totality of who we are?  No secrets. Secrets make us lonely.  At least I have found they make me lonely and I've had enough relationships in my life that left me lonely and not understood.

Life is far too short to live as others feel you should live. Everyone owes it to themselves to find that person who will look at you and truly see you. And love you unconditionally the way you are.

He knows he is loved and that she SEES him.

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/56383664846/love-love-love

e[lust] edition #50 ~ Featured again! Enjoy!

So excited again to have my post Why I Need Him There as a Featured Post this month! Thank you Molly!!!  Enjoy!!!!! ~ Vista

 

 Photo courtesy of Down the Rabbit Hole

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #51? Start with the newly updated rules, come back October 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

When the sex isn't great
The Least You Can Do
I don't know how to dominate

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

TO THE MAN WHO OWNS MY SUBMISSION
Why I Need Him There.

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

First lesbian love
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Non-Fiction

Dressing Up for Master
2 nights of great sex - Monday
Marking My Body
Let's Get It On
Better Lucky Than Good
starry night
Master's Filthy Whore
Silence
Watching
Eat Dust
We Made a Sex Tape
Incapable of Thinking
Spank Bank

Erotic Fiction

Hickory, dickory, dock...
Oatmeal and Almost Orgasms
Classroom Adventure
The Inspection
The Hood
Opportunity Knocks
Little Red
Remember Me
Scorched Flesh
Awakening
Lolita Twenty-Thirteen, Part Eight
So Easily Bruised
Under the Desk

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

The Q&A's of Stainless Steel Sex Toys
Triggers and PTSD
Palate Cleanser
Relationships: Is a sexless marriage normal?
Why Premature Ejaculation is Hot
Casual Encounters on trains and at stations
I wouldn’t really class a client as a lover

Blogging

Introducing Me
Why Bad Sex Toy Reviews Are Important
You never know who you’re going to meet.

Poetry

I want. . .
The Grand Old Duke of York ...

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Penis Truths

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Strap-on Sex & Empowerment
Never Thought
Two Cocks, One Mouth, One Excited Jade
Aural Sex
Why I Stay Silent
Sub in Space
Hotter Sex Through Intellect
Nazisploitation and how it relates to BDSM
Service and Ritual
No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 18 – SSC
Kink of the week: Exhibitionism
Pegging: Fun for men, awesome for women

Why I Need Him There....

Insatiable.  I guess that word is as good as any in describing my hunger for hot, sexy men. I do love men in general.  But what gets me warm, wet and my nipples standing erect is a beautiful, hot, sexy, hungry, submissive man dripping with desire for me. I love to play with the ebb and flow of the energy between us and the resulting ravishing of each other's body and soul.  To top that all off is the psychological orgasm that builds in my mind if NB is right there to witness the exchange and maybe be forced to be involved in humiliating ways of service to prove his undying devotion to me. When he is right there, my arousal is fed by his discomfort, angst, his layers and levels of submission and increased humiliation.  Me, very much in control and him, lost in being out of control. A sharing of intimacy that goes deep into the psyche of who we are as individuals.

Along with that exchange is also the component of keeping NB off balance.  Never knowing when someone new may be walking into our lives or surprising him with an arrangement that will bring a new level of humiliation that I know will feed his submission, bringing him to levels of physical, mental and sexual torture.  Jealousy, anger, hurt and pain aren't enough to stop the arousal that takes him over the edge. He wants to pull the other man from me, yell at the top of his lungs to 'Get Out' but he can't. His own cock betrays him and drips with pre-cum as his seed fights for release.

After all is said and done there is Aftercare.  As much as I enjoy all that takes place before, it's showing NB affection, touching, kissing, holding, caring and concern for his well being that feeds and binds us together. Bringing to him emotionally and physically my love for him. He trembles under my touch and buries himself in my flesh trying to hide within me, thrusting his cock deep inside me to restore our connection. Reassuring our bond in his body, mind and soul. His warm lips wrapping around my nipple as he suckles to find comfort and nurturing from me once again. His world momentarily having spun out of control, slowly finds it's balance, settling his racing heart.

Yes, cuckolding is so much about the torment the man goes through, but it's also, for us, about the way his need feeds me. How his overwhelming desires fuel my own and empowers me in a way I have never known before. The trust NB has in me to let go of all his fears, to face what lives inside him, free from any condemnation from me, is a strength and power exchange I find intoxicating.  Honesty, transparency and the freedom to share our deepest, darkest secrets with each other and sometimes play them out... Yes... I need him there.  In the end, it's all about our love and commitment to each other.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.....

He flew in late the night before and was due at my door the next morning at 10 am.  He had emailed earlier in the week about his schedule and how he needed to see me as soon as possible. I smiled at his hunger. Hungry, sexy, handsome men always trigger my own needs. He eyes were excited and his smile bright with anticipation when I opened the door. He had arrived 15 minutes early. I had been ready by 9:30 just in case. I smiled back and welcomed him inside.  "Hi" was all that was exchanged between us when he bent down, pulled my body next to his and kissed me over and over again. Nothing more was said. Our actions told of the chemistry that has pulled at us since we met. His hands and then mouth traveled quickly to my breast and my hands soon found his lovely cock that was growing beneath his jeans. Springing to life even more at my touch. He unzipped his zipper dropping his jeans to the floor setting his cock free as it fell into my hand. Off came his shirt and once again Mr Snow was standing naked before me. Tall and dark from his trip overseas.

I have a mirror that hangs in my hallway. He loves to turn us both towards it and watch himself as he runs his hands over my body and undresses me. This time I had on a tight fitting silk shirt that just covered my ass. His hands ran along inside the garment and slowly lifted it over my head, dropping it on the floor to join his own pile of clothes lying there.

"Did you miss me?" He whispered in my ear with his naked body pressed against mine. Kissing my neck and fondling my breasts. I could feel his cock leaning up against the crack along my ass as he asked me again... "Did you miss me?"  I reached back grabbing at his cock..."Of course." I responded back.

"I missed you." He said as he bent me toward the mirror and I position my legs for balance as he reached down and felt the wetness between my legs,  "Yeah, you missed me."  With that he slowly eased his cock inside my waiting sex.

We both looked into the mirror to watch the expression on our faces as he moved inside me. His hands still running along my body. Mine pressed against the wall for balance. Then after a few moments he slowly pulled out and turned me around towards him.  "He just couldn't wait to say 'Hello'."  I smiled, we kissed more then walked down the hallway to my bedroom, his slick cock firmly in my hand as he followed behind me.

The thoughts in my mind as we approached the bed was how to get more mirrors in my place and how someday I hope NB can see the passion this man has for me.  So hot, raw, intense and genuine.

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/54309081358/mindplayy-mindplayy-added-a-new-song-check-out

Seeking, Finding and Laughter.

I have a dear, male friend I call 'L' that is a cuckold and has been looking for a very long time for the woman he can connect to and form the cuckold relationship he desires so deep inside.  He has had that relationship before and knows deep down it's the one thing that brings him pleasure, peace and satisfaction. But finding that 'one' is hard, very hard. Sometimes I know he just wants to give up, but the desire continues to move him along one day at a time. I share a lot of my 'ups' and 'downs' with NB with L and I think it helps and encourages him a bit that even though it's hard to find, it can happen.

L's search has also given me insight into the struggles to find that right connection. I do understand that when someone is looking for someone to fill a role we have in mind, that the personal connection we are really looking for can get lost in the mix along the way. The few times I have sought out a submissive male I have found the connection ultimately lacking because the personal connection was not there enough to sustain the dynamic that is involved with any D/s relationship. I do believe that deep connection is what we all yearn for.

Ferns of Domme Chronicles recently wrote on her blog an excellent article about Dominance and Vulnerability.  It's good to read posts that cover the dominant side of D/s and the struggles sometimes that dominants can have surrounding vulnerability. I know for me, it's always a risk in stepping out and going for something that may be rejected. Having a strong foundation in your relationship can help to anchor anyone in times of uncertainty.

I do know for a fact that what has saved NB and I in all that we have weathered together is the fact that we came together first as two people very attracted to each other, finding a strong physical and emotional connection before any D/s or cuckold element was brought into our foundation. The rest all developed as we learned more about each other, found safety to share our deepest desires and found with each other acceptance of all our weakness and human frailties.  He says my only frailty is that it takes me 'way' too long to get ready to go anywhere!   I'll let him believe that's the only one.  :)

Would we ever walk away from the D/s and the cuckold elements of our relationship? Only if we found it no longer played into our overall dynamic of who we are. We do talk about this. Especially with us living apart for now. We both believe that it will always be there to some degree and that when we are finally together full time it will only increase in intensity. We draw it out of each other and look forward to it deepening who we are together. But the main fact is that it is 'our' journey together. We are writing the 'play book' along the way. We have never been ones to follow anyone's script.

I'm grateful that our foundation was first founded on 'us' as a couple. We are first 'that', a couple. The rest only colors who we are. And laughter! No one can make me laugh louder and lose my breath and words like NB can!  And he is all so innocent when he does! His humor seemingly comes out of no where! Here is a fine example that I'll leave you with that is part of the glue that holds us together....

When NB was last here we were laying on my bed, TV going in the background and we were talking about our plans for the next day. When we are snuggled together like that he enjoys, as I do, finding peace and comfort with his mouth pressed into my bare breasts, nibbling and suckling away as my fingers run through his hair and I gently kiss him along his closed eyes and forehead. It's a warm, beautiful and loving ritual we share. I'm getting lost in his attention, my mind wandering as my body responds to his care when out of the blue he mumbles through his pressed lips, "I want to push the cart."  We had been discussing shopping at Walmart the next day maybe five minutes prior to his statement. I burst out laughing so hard I couldn't find my words as he surprisingly felt my breast pulled from his adoring mouth! He looked at me with his eyes so wide, wondering what I was laughing at!  Simply... I know this man! I know how off the wall comments can come flying out of his mouth at the craziest times and it unleashes in me a deep laughter that runs though my body and soul. I love him so much for having the ability to do that. It's not on purpose...its just who he is...genuine, unafraid and unpretentious with me. Vulnerable and open in all ways. How I love that! How I thrive on that. That is what takes me through some of the hard times we have had. That is what we are built on. That is what gives me the strength to be the dominant we both need. That is something I hope my friend L finds someday. An honest, free, unpretentious relationship that fills all of his desires. First ... find the one that can make you laugh!

Love men who are free and have genuine smiles!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/50015304659/warriorsofmightandmagic-o

Be who you are ... always!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/53772923637/warriorsofmightandmagic-caressing-the-family

The Lovely Mr. Snow

Hello Mr Snow!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/45866634298/dick-and-jane-erotica-for-couples-beautiful

"I'm telling you that when I put my hand against his upper thigh I could feel his hard cock flowing down his jeans! I could hardly wait to see first hand what he was bringing to me!"

I was talking to NB on the phone while he was once again out of town, late at night, in a hotel room, naked in bed, stroking his cock and wanting to hear who I finally decided on as a replacement for RT.

"OMG! Tell me more!"  As I could hear his hand gliding along his cock faster. He knows how I am so triggered by a man going commando in jeans.  Just as much as he loves it when I wear no panties with a skirt.  ;)

"Then I undid his belt, unzipped his jeans and his hard cock bounced out from it's restrictive bondage.  His thighs are strong and he grabbed my ass and pulled me into him as we were still standing by the doorway inside. I could feel all his strength pressing against me."

NB continued to question, moan and eventually cum as I answered and painted him a picture of my first encounter with the lovely, very well endowed Mr Snow.

It wasn't easy finding a replacement.  I'm extremely picky and you run across all kinds when looking for just the right lover for passion, lust but still causal.  Some men don't get it. Some men think they are god's gift and that I really don't know how a woman can be fucked until you're fucked by them!  LOL  They have no idea who I am and that I already have the best lover.  NB rocks!  Plus there is no way they can even come close to his kinky, sexual ways.  He makes me melt.  I'm just needing some one to keep me in shape and happy until NB is in town.  The chemistry NB and I have together is unique and deep. And most men don't understand how NB can be 'ok' and even triggered sexually with me having others, not realizing that the openness, honesty and trust binds us together even deeper.  If I was going behind his back that would be very different!  The fact that I share everything with him, brings him into every intimate detail of my life and makes him feel as if he is still with me.

So... Hello Mr Snow.  You are lovely and so is your beautiful cock, heat and passion. They are welcomed to my world.  I hope you can stay for a while... I hate starting over!

Nothing sexier than commando......

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/46558851100

Sensual and Inspiring Awards!

A big Thank You and lots of Sexy Happiness to my dear, sexy friends Lo and H.H. over at 'My Sex Life With Lola' for their “Sensual Blogging” award and for their “Very Inspiring Blogger” award.  I am a very big fan of their blog and how H.H. shares his inner most thoughts with all who will pull up a chair and listen.  If NB and I weren't in a D/s, cuckold relationship with me as the dom, we would fit very nicely in what these two lovelies have together.  It gives me a glimpse into the other side.  ;)

Now for the homework involved in receiving these awards:

Directions for Sensual Blogging Award:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated AWARDED you with a link back to their blog.

2. Copy and paste this fine award on your blog.

3. Answer 7 “sensual” questions posed by the blogger who awarded you this fine award.

4. Create or borrow 7 “sensual” questions for the bloggers you award this fine award to to answer.

5. Select 7 “sensual” bloggers to award this fine award to.

The Questions:

1.   Origin story – why did or what was the trigger that encouraged you to start your blog? 

      

Answer:  When NB and I started to explore the cuckold lifestyle I went online and read any article and book I could find to help me further understand what we were walking into. I also needed to understand more about where he was coming from.  80% of what I came across and read didn't fit our life or desires, yet we knew who we were and what we wanted.  I started writing short stories for us that gave us something to relate to and eventually started the blog out of the lack of understanding and clarity people had around cuckold couples.  We both hope to bring realism and the understanding of the inner workings in both partners around this way of life.  PLUS...I love seeing sexy men on the blog!!!  Hence my Saturday Eye Candy!

2.  What’s one of your favorite things you’ve done with your partner(s)?  

    
Answer: I enjoy everything we do whether sexual or not.  But must say MMF is a favorite!  We still have many more of those ahead in our future, I hope!  I do love having NB around and involved.  So hot!

3. How would someone seduce you?      

 
 Answer:  Feeling smooth warm hands brushing up against my breasts and being a great kisser.  And then telling me how much they love the feel of natural breasts...Damn... Makes me wet already!

4.  How would you seduce someone?      

    
Answer: Light touches, pressing my body against theirs innocently, then running my hands down the top of the inner thigh hoping I find evidence of their arousal. :)

5.  What’s your naughtiest fantasy (or one you care to share)?

    
Answer:  Oh, we have so many!  We make many trips to Las Vegas, so one fantasy is visiting the Red Rooster and making a night of it!  (Probably more NB's fantasy but one I'm quickly warming up to! ) Another is getting to know other cuckold couples once we are living together and have parties at our house with our cuckold's and lovers all being there.

6.  Other than your goods below, what’s your next favorite body part to be touched?

    
Answer:  My breasts!  They are very sensitive.  I could have NB suckling at my breasts for hours and sometimes wake him up in the middle of the night to do just that and have him fall back to sleep that way!

7.  What’s a food/dish that you consider sensual?  

    
Answer: Klondike Bars!  We both love them!  They make us feel innocent and young! Then we lick the melted ice cream off each other!

I choose to use these same questions for all the Sensual Bloggers below.

The rules of the Very Inspiring Blogger award are:

1. Tell 7 facts about yourself.  Done...above.

2. Nominate 15 Bloggers and inform them of their nomination. God, I hope 8 will do!

Here are eight bloggers to whom I'd like to pass on both awards above:

1. Mick Collins - Under Contract To My Wife  Humorous tales of a married Mistress/slave cuckold couple and their mass media empire. ;)

2. Paltego - Femdom Resource This site is jam packed with links and resources dedicated to the beauty of dominant women.

3. Ferns - Domme Chronicles A lovely, sensuous domme from down under sharing her thoughts, wisdom and humor on life in search of a lovely, yummy submissive man.

4. D - Dumb Domme Down to earth, witty blog about finding yourself in this domme world. ;)

5. Guy - Quickies in New York Guy is a fantastic erotic writer and his blog is full of hot delights and naughty pics.

6. EA - Easily Aroused Erotic fiction by an equally erotic, seductive Englishman! Another favorite!

7. Dick & Jane - Dick-n-Jane A very horny, loving couple who enjoy sharing stories, reviews, pics and advice to all who will listen!

8. H.H. & Lo - My Sex LIfe With Lola Even though they already have this award...how could I pass them by when they are so damn hot!!!! ;)

Congratulations, you've been awarded the "Sensual Blogging Award" and the "Very Inspiring Blogger Award." !

Psychological Power Play

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/50213396610/hot-shrink-by-fransmensinkartist

NB will be arriving in a few days to spend a week with me.  It will be two months since we've seen each other by the time he arrives.  Longer than I like to be apart. We have talked of doing many things while he is here, the most important, re-connecting.  That first night will have us getting very little sleep as we tend to wake up and explore each other during the night.  NB's favorite thing to do besides having his cock inside me while he sleeps is having his fingers resting in my ass.  ;) Something he has always done from the beginning.  And something I've always enjoyed and allowed him to do.  It's a form of ownership I give him as a trade-off on the many things I require of him.

But the point of this post is to talk about the psychological erotic aspect of our relationship which is a driving force for us both.  It really is the ingredient that holds much of our D/s relationship together. Also being a cuckold couple this plays highly into our dynamic. Having knowledge of NB's most secret desires, wants and needs and knowing how to trigger and release those in even a greater way than he ever thought was possible is something that I need and find highly intoxicating.  I do believe I understand that aspect of our relationship far better than NB. And we are both comfortable with that.  He doesn't have the need to understand the 'why' as much as I do. He just revels in it.  I'm the planner, the networker and negotiator of anyone who may come into our life.  I'm also his protector and anchor.

The cartoon above says many things and can be taken in a few ways.  At first when I saw it I immediately associated it's meaning as a psychological trigger for the man on the couch and that for me, it would be great joy to actually be naked and act as if I was clothed to see if he really could distinguish between reality and fantasy.  Then I also saw that she could be clothed and realizes by his reaction that his fantasies have over taken his reality, again. Which ever truth it is...her understanding of his triggers and the images he fights gives her great control over his psyche.  :)  Something he willing relinquishes to her. A win-win power play.

And speaking of power play, I'll end with this last image.  The joy I receive in seeing NB fully surrendered to me ...Yes, it's been far to long in between visits!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/50542827190/carmenicadiaz-definitely-one-of-the-better-3d

What Wet Dreams are Made Of.....

Follow me into my dreams....

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/47546722258/sexnsensuality-right-this-way-i-love-it-when

Passion.  Lots of hot, animalistic, sweaty, can't get enough lusty passion.  Where the words are few because your mind is foggy from all the rushing of chemicals flooding your brain from coming over and over again.  Hands, mouths circling and roaming over your hungry body trying to satisfy the hunger that dwells within. 

Hot flesh pressed against hot flesh, your senses reaching for each touch, kiss, lick.  Your body lurching toward the hard cock or cocks that continually tease you until you grab one, any one and impale yourself on it.  It's not about being nice and decent in this moment but about getting what you want, need and must have.

It's about the knowing of each other, each ones triggers and making sure all leave drained of their desires.  It's also knowing that he is watching from the corner of the room, tied and unable to join in. Knowing the images that are being carved into his brain to later play over and over again. Images he doesn't want to ever leave. Images that will haunt and warm him while he's not sharing your bed.

These are the things that fill your dreams and wake you in the middle of the night, raw with hunger and wet with desire. These are the nights when you wish he was in your bed and you could roll over, wake him and slowly place your hungry wet pussy on his face while you tell him of your dream and all the things you want to do and have him see.  Then feel his cock slide inside your hunger and quench your need.

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/49485308375

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/49160168107/leatherhostage

http://wheelintheskype.tumblr.com/post/41575745734/youll-love-feeling-all-those-hands-all-over-your

Sometimes I just Need to Hurt You!

And I mean physically, psychologically and emotionally. Being in a long distance relationship can have its dark moments.

I love NB and I hate how his work can consume him.  He works hard and I appreciate that and I do have the freedom to find others to fill some of my time while he is away.  But it's not the same as when he is with me to share in whatever I wish to share with him in person. We text, email and talk on the phone while he is gone, but if the time between our visits is too great I feel this overwhelming desire to tie him down and take all my frustrations out on him.  I want to lash out at him for having my heart so completely!  Make him suffer as I suffer when it's been too long since I've felt his skin against mine.  Too long since I felt his deep, passionate kiss, the silky touch of his hands and fingers. The crazed look and overwhelming desire for me that comes over him as I share some details of my latest adventure.  Waking up in the middle of the night with his arms around me and cock buried inside me.  We are addicted to each other.  And so deeply connected that he can feel when I'm at that dark edge without me saying a word.

His text tonight: "I need to come up sooner than expected."  I wanted to reach through the phone and wring his cuckold neck!  My response:  "Yes! Like yesterday!"  Confirming to him that I'm pacing the floor and needing to do him harm.  Which I still may do when he finally gets his lovely ass up here!  I do love how willingly he surrenders.  We will both be satisfied and extremely happy once he arrives!

I want this room and this bed!  Yes, I need this now!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/47873968218/i-soooo-love-this

Yes I Can...No He Can't!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/47309361133/lol

Is it fair that I can have any man I find enticing and NB must always and forever be faithful to me? Probably not to most people, but alas, we are not most people!  It's very fair to me because we both get what we want. NB has no desire for another woman.  He needs to be in love, sexually stimulated, addicted and with a woman who can fulfill and challenge his desires.  I need a man who loves my drive, passion, need to be in charge, allows me freedom to explore others when the opportunity arises, challenges my mind and loves me as I love him with all my heart. I need the thrill of seeing how crazy he gets thinking of another man bringing me pleasure and sharing all those lovely details with him as he ravishes my body.  He also understands that he is the one who satisfies my soul and heart.

The thought of NB being with another woman makes me go very primal.  You don't want to see that. That man belongs to me.  I alone decide where his sexual pleasure comes from.  I have invested my life and heart into him, he is my best friend and I own him through and through.  Every other woman pales in comparison of what we have together and I plan on keeping it that way.

Our lives are erotic, complicated and ever growing and increasing in what we desire to explore and learn together. So is it fair that he must always be faithful while I am able to roam at my pleasure? Yes...very fair.  It is what we both need.  And that is what really matters.  Us.

Book Review - Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray & the Men Who Love Them.

There are books on the market that try to bring an explanation to the cuckold lifestyle. Some are good and from real life experiences and some are only buying in on the trend that seems to be increasing and looking to make quick cash. I see this increasing as this way of life for some couples becomes more exposed. I'm not a fan of the 'hotwife' trend and terminology only because of most of what is posted on the internet runs along the more 'kinky' aspect rather than what goes on in a relationship. The problem that causes is for some couples who have poor communication and find their marriages struggling thinking that this trend would be an answer and fix.  It's not.  In fact, in a relationship where there is strain and lack of trust and communication this lifestyle would be a sure silver bullet and bring death.

What is important in any relationship, whether it's vanilla or alternative, is honest, vulnerable communication.

David J Ley published in 2012, Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them. He started out curious about the cuckold lifestyle and not sure if he would find anything positive about the subject.  But as he researched history, current trends and interviewed many couples in the lifestyle he arrived at a more balanced opinion and even became supportive for those who are truly cut out for this, find it works for them and results in healthy strong relationships.

Again, this is only a working solution for a small percentage of the population who can handle the emotional dance and roller-coaster of emotions involved.  For those who master that ride and dance it can become heaven on earth.  ;)

Here are some of the excepts from Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them:

• "Many husbands I interviewed described similar feelings, and explained their desires to watch their wives with other men, saying that they prefer to watch their wive's faces during sex.  If all they wanted was to see genitalia and sexual intercourse, they'd watch pornography.  "What is important to me is to watch the face of the woman I love enjoying herself." Chapter 4 - Interview with Michael and Janice, EB location 2050.

• Violet Gordon Woodhouse, one of the greatest pianists of the early years of the twentieth century, lived for decades with not one, but four husbands. . ...their unique arrangement was interrupted by World War 1,  and never returned to this polyamorous stability. Chapter 5, EB location 2283

• Indeed, couples who are able to pursue this lifestyle successfully for long periods of time tend to have extremely healthy relationships, and extraordinary patterns of communication within their marriage. Chapter 11- EB Location 4605

David J Ley does an excellent job in covering, in depth, the subject of cuckold relationships that have been around for centuries. If you love research, you'll appreciate the time he spent in researching history, lives and cultures.  How cuckolding has been woven through it all in one way or another.  He covers the hotwife trend, swinging, any non-monogamous relationship and what researchers have to say is the cause etc. And on the cause, many can not say why.  There are many reasons we become wired the way we are. For many, they can't point to one thing that changed for them and then there are those who understand why they have this need.

I agree with most of this book.  It's well rounded and covers the subject of cuckolding extremely well.  You'll find it listed on my Amazon 'I Recommend' book list.

Vegas, Ownership and Naughty Things!

Finally NB has worked through the tremendous load he was carrying and most of the hard parts are behind him.  Things have calmed down enough that he can see straight again and he planned a trip to Vegas for us next week!  I'm a happy, happy domme!  And happy that I'm still able to get away quickly. That may be changing in the near future. But, what counts is that after almost 2 months apart we'll have 4 days and 3 nights being naughty together in Vegas!  We both need this badly!  These long stretches are hard on both of us.  And then when I get back RT will be coming back into town.  ;)

I do love how NB is responding to RT coming into the picture. There really is nothing like the deep seeded needs of a cuckold man as his soul and heart run through a cocktail of emotions at the thought and knowledge of another man enjoying the woman he loves. Hard to explain to those who are not wired that way.  It seems like such a contradiction.  But for those men who truly have this wiring it's a crazy high and low all mixed into one.  And for the woman he loves it bonds him even closer to her.

I have this need for 'ownership' of those things I love. Not in everything. My children, that I love tremendously, I have no problem with them living their own life and being independent.  I'm very independent and come from a long line of strong and independent people, mainly women.  But there is something about a cuckold man that you love; his openness, vulnerability and the trust he puts in you concerning this very deep need that lives inside him and thrills him.  Something, at times, that is hard for him to understand and explain.  But when a man, or anyone for that manner, puts their trust in you that much with their darkest secrets and desires I tend to hold them even closer to me.  I become a protector, nurturer and a great mother bear if I think harm is coming his way.  I can torture him all I want, and gladly, but I'll wound you deeply if you even look at him wrong without my permission. "Ownership" .... that man belongs to me.  I'm the keeper of his secrets and desires. That is an intimacy that we both crave. No matter how dark the road is where I take him, his hand will always be held by mine.  He'll never be alone.  This feeds me and him. When he tells me I own him or I tell him he is mine and only mine...we both are comforted and warmed.

Vegas always brings us both pleasure in many ways. This trip I know will be filled with stories of the emails that have been going back and forth with RT.  Pictures that have been shared and all the erotic things we desire to do to each other.  All the while I'm enjoying the craziness washing over NB and his need to drive himself even closer to me. With all the research I've done on this subject, some say it is the drive in a man to take back what belongs to him after another man has invaded his territory. Whatever the driving cause is, I'm sure for those 3 nights there will be very little sleep. And I'm not complaining!

I read this prose below ... Can't remember where.  I paraphrased it and sent it to NB back in February. It says so much of our journey....

How far in the dark will I lead you?

As far as you wish to go.

Will you get lost?

You'll be with me.

Will you find your way back?

That's up to you.

You may want to stay in the darkness...

But you'll be with me.

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/44556644679

Chicago, NB and My Strap-On!

This year has started out very promising. If you have been following this blog then you'll remember that NB had a very trying and emotional year last year and has been recovering emotionally from it's toll. The holidays were a struggle for him but he seems to be making great progress as this new year unfolds and I'm seeing more and more of the man I met and fell in love with a year and a half ago.  Without any hints from me, he planned a wonderful weekend for us in Chicago, (I leave Friday!) and he has been more and more his lovely, submissive, erotic, kinky, needy self!  See for me, the more his kinky and cuckold needs arise, the more excited I get.  It becomes a dance where we feed off of each other.  I can hear it in his voice when he calls. The way he answers me, addressing me as 'Mistress' and this craving of me in his voice that immediately gets me hot and wet!

Which brings up my Strap-On!  I've mentioned I'm not crazy about the idea of flying with my harness...but I'm chancing it this trip.  I'm so in need of pegging that lovely ass of his!  It's all about owning him completely which does something for both of us.  For him, it's about being owned and totally surrendering to me and giving me his most vulnerable area.  A way of proving his commitment and trust of who I am in his life.  For me, it's about owning him...every part and parcel of him.  Marking him as my own.  I love his vulnerability and growing dependency on me to meet and determine when those needs are met.  These are the things I take away from our relationship, among many other lovely benefits.  It's more proving ground, just as when we experienced our first cuckold encounter.  It's a cementing of who we are as a couple and what we are building together.

So as cold as Chicago will be (Brrrrr)....things will be lovely and hot for us.  We have no plans but to spend time together and NB showing me the town.  It's been 3 weeks.....Yep... I need that man close...now!  ;)

There will be some of this...  NB has very sensitive nipples!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/40718781632/cranniesinmybrain-muffled-laughter-love

And some of this!  Yes!!!!

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/40689955362/trusseduptightly-very-nice-reminds-me-of-how

Yummy cock pic! Thank you!

Here is a lovely submission from HH & Lo, a cuckold couple with a lovely erotic blog called "My Sex Life With Lola". ( I mentioned them below in yesterday's post. ) 

To see more pics, please visit their blog for pics of Lo and some wonderful stories of their adventures.  They have an interesting dynamic seeing that HH is a Dom/Daddy yet Lo's cuck!  Not something I've run across a lot.  I adore them both. HH did send me a pic of Lo but since I'm more of a big fan of the male frame and all your wonderful attributes, he did me a favor and sent me this great pic of Lo getting ready to indulge herself on his very yummy cock.  Thanks HH!

http://mysexlifewithlola.com/

Cuckolding Does Not Equal a Pre-arranged Marriage!

This post is for those men who are single and identify themselves as a cuckold man and single women who identify as a cuckoldress who are looking for each other.  I have a friend who I will call "L" who has been in a cuckold marriage before and longs for that again. It's been very interesting following his journey to find another partner.  Notice I said 'partner' not cuckoldress.  He recently sent me an email of yet another woman saying she wanted a cuckold relationship and listing her wants and needs.  I suppose for some this may be just find and dandy...but for anything to truly last there must be a relationship first.  A reason why you want to be together beside cuckolding!  I see this not just coming from women but also from men who seem consumed with what they see as the hottest trend and they desire to stick their toes in the water for a trial run!  Cuckolding does not equal a pre-arranged marriage!  Unless that's all you are after!

A good relationship is built first on the connection, chemistry and desire to be together as a couple.  As ANY other relationship would be.  Once that is established, if cuckolding is a natural fit and agreeable then you move on to that step...the timeline is based on the two of you.

This is not a road that is emotionally easy to travel upon! There must be a strong foundation and great communication between the two partners for this to reap any true benefits. And it's not a lifestyle to just dabble in!  It comes out of what you already have and have found it as a needed and desired part of how the two of you are wired.  It's an exciting and thrilling roller-coaster for those strong enough to maneuver it.

There are some great examples of cuckold couples on the web.  Here are a few:

Scott and Em at Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse 
Vanessa Chaland at Cuckold Letters
H.H. and Lo at My Sex Life with Lola

All of their links can be found on My Blog List.  :)

As you will see, even with these three, there is great variety in how they live their lives.  But they have one thing in common, their relationships were established first.  As was NB's and mine. We fell in love and the cuckolding came along as a natural dynamic as we evolved as a couple.

I know this is only my humble opinion and you may think I'm completely off base.  And that's your right.  Doesn't bother me a bit.  There are always as many exceptions as there are differences in tastes and styles.  But I'm a realist / romantic and believe in love.  I know what works for me.  I have seen the importance of the connection between two people that is needed before you add anything else 'outside the box' to the mix.  I'm all for building long term!

So for those of you who are single and out there looking...keep this in mind.  Look for a connection first!  Chemistry first!  Unless you love pre-arranged marriages!  :)

Mmmmmm...Connection, Chemistry...Passion.

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/40229282139/yes-please

Vanilla Pets and 50 Shades

Since NB has come back into my life I've had to re-evaluate some of my pets and see who will fit with our cuckold dynamic and who needs go their own way.  One of my pets that I haven't talked much about is Cub.  Cub is an adorable young man (hence the name Cub) that I met about 5 months ago and have had a few intimate lovely times with over those five months.  As adorable as Cub is, he's very vanilla.  The most Taboo thing he has ever done is to be with an older woman - me. He prefers older women and there were a few before me, but he had no idea what he was walking into that first time we met for coffee and his lovely cock was telling him already he needed me.

After many months of talking, I finally agreed to come to his place and it was very exciting.  He was filled with anxiousness, anticipation and a bit intimidated that this woman who was coming over knew what she wanted and how to go about getting it.  He had always been the one in the lead and I intrigued every little horny part in this young man.  After his nerves calmed down with his first orgasm...he settled into the role of a gracious lover and all was well by the time I left.

The second time we met I tried to introduce him into some very light bondage.  Now I love bondage, and wrapping rope around a very athletic, manly frame.  All along I had been talking with him, slowly easing him into more alternative ways of looking at sexual intimacy and his curiosity was there.  I went slowly to not set off his fight or flight mode and overload his vanilla cortex.  I was willing to put in some time to bring him along, hoping he would eventually find those triggers that make BDSM real, authentic and so satisfying!  Well although he looked wonderful in the body harness I had him wrapped in...I could tell it was doing nothing for him, which in turn does absolutely nothing for me!!!!  Ugggggg!!!!   I left that time already mentally crossing him off my 'pet' list feeling that it just was not in his wiring to step beyond his comfort level.

Then NB came back into my life and suggested I needed to give Cub one more chance and see how he would respond to the cuckold dynamic.  Ha!  I laughed!  "He'd run to the hills!"  But that same day Cub sends me a text...horny, hungry and wanting.  Hmmmmm.....

So last night I grabbed some paracord, massage oil, apricot lube and a butt plug just in case this cub was feeling adventurous and off I went to his place.  Now we had been discussing all day about anal play, which he had no experience in.  Another disappointment to me and my lovely strap-on!  But if I could relax him enough I wanted to be prepared with the plug.  ;)  Also I was going to tell him about NB and how things were going to be now and gage his reaction for possible future play.

The evening was all about getting him into a very submissive state, which didn't take long. I love having him strip before me while I'm still dressed, then walk around him and examine how well he has been treating himself.  After some bites and strong slaps on those round hard ass cheeks he has, and running my hands along his sides, down his chest and inner thighs I led him, cock in my hand, to his bed.   After binding his cock and balls with my paracord, oiling up his young frame and much torturous teasing and edging and finally bringing him to a place of climax it was time to talk about what laid ahead.

This is where 50 Shades of Grey comes in!  A great opening into the direction I wanted to lead him.  I asked him if he had heard of it.  Yes he had, but not read it.  I told him my take on it and how ridiculous of a book it was.  He said he wasn't surprised I felt that way, since he knew I was in the lifestyle but every other girl he knew swooned over it!  Ha! They all want to be bedded by Christian Grey!  My god... wait until the movie comes out!  What a mess!

Anyway....it was a great lead for me to explain to him more of my life and introduce the topic of NB, me and cuckolds.  I wish you could have seen his eyes and the expressions on his face.  I know his head was swimming as I lightly explained how the cuckold dynamic works for us. NB is faithful to me whereas I can have whomever I want, when I want. etc......  He smiled at that and I could see he was pondering how this could really be.

Well....after more discussion and leaving Cub with much to think about, I know it's just not in him to flow in the direction my life is taking now. Will I see him again?  I know I can, but I have no desire to.  It ran it's course.  Vanilla and kink can't walk together for very long unless one moves toward the other.  And for me vanilla was never and will never fill the need inside this Domme.

On the bright side my other pet who has been overseas (he was one of the Saturday Eye Candy shots! 8-25-12), will be home next month!  He knows about NB and is excited for the three of us to get together!  Oh he makes my heart beat so fast!  He is crazy, kinky, open and completely surrendered and willing to fill whatever place I have in my life for him. Pure music to this Domme's ears!

I leave you with this image below that reminds me of Cub's surrender last night.  He was delightful and maybe someday will come over to this side since he's had that first taste!

Click pic for source