I do love how NB is responding to RT coming into the picture. There really is nothing like the deep seeded needs of a cuckold man as his soul and heart run through a cocktail of emotions at the thought and knowledge of another man enjoying the woman he loves. Hard to explain to those who are not wired that way. It seems like such a contradiction. But for those men who truly have this wiring it's a crazy high and low all mixed into one. And for the woman he loves it bonds him even closer to her.
I have this need for 'ownership' of those things I love. Not in everything. My children, that I love tremendously, I have no problem with them living their own life and being independent. I'm very independent and come from a long line of strong and independent people, mainly women. But there is something about a cuckold man that you love; his openness, vulnerability and the trust he puts in you concerning this very deep need that lives inside him and thrills him. Something, at times, that is hard for him to understand and explain. But when a man, or anyone for that manner, puts their trust in you that much with their darkest secrets and desires I tend to hold them even closer to me. I become a protector, nurturer and a great mother bear if I think harm is coming his way. I can torture him all I want, and gladly, but I'll wound you deeply if you even look at him wrong without my permission. "Ownership" .... that man belongs to me. I'm the keeper of his secrets and desires. That is an intimacy that we both crave. No matter how dark the road is where I take him, his hand will always be held by mine. He'll never be alone. This feeds me and him. When he tells me I own him or I tell him he is mine and only mine...we both are comforted and warmed.
Vegas always brings us both pleasure in many ways. This trip I know will be filled with stories of the emails that have been going back and forth with RT. Pictures that have been shared and all the erotic things we desire to do to each other. All the while I'm enjoying the craziness washing over NB and his need to drive himself even closer to me. With all the research I've done on this subject, some say it is the drive in a man to take back what belongs to him after another man has invaded his territory. Whatever the driving cause is, I'm sure for those 3 nights there will be very little sleep. And I'm not complaining!
I read this prose below ... Can't remember where. I paraphrased it and sent it to NB back in February. It says so much of our journey....
How far in the dark will I lead you?
As far as you wish to go.
Will you get lost?
You'll be with me.
Will you find your way back?
That's up to you.
You may want to stay in the darkness...
But you'll be with me.
You really are able to understand his point of view. Crazy cocktail of emotions. Yes!
ReplyDeleteYes. I find our connection rare and beautiful. NB says I live in his head and instinctively know what he needs and what will push him. But I think it is a result of the openness and raw honesty of our communication. I read him very well and he is good in revealing himself to me. We feed each other what we need. You two have found that way to communicate with each other. It's an ever growing process. ;)
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