L's search has also given me insight into the struggles to find that right connection. I do understand that when someone is looking for someone to fill a role we have in mind, that the personal connection we are really looking for can get lost in the mix along the way. The few times I have sought out a submissive male I have found the connection ultimately lacking because the personal connection was not there enough to sustain the dynamic that is involved with any D/s relationship. I do believe that deep connection is what we all yearn for.
Ferns of Domme Chronicles recently wrote on her blog an excellent article about Dominance and Vulnerability. It's good to read posts that cover the dominant side of D/s and the struggles sometimes that dominants can have surrounding vulnerability. I know for me, it's always a risk in stepping out and going for something that may be rejected. Having a strong foundation in your relationship can help to anchor anyone in times of uncertainty.
I do know for a fact that what has saved NB and I in all that we have weathered together is the fact that we came together first as two people very attracted to each other, finding a strong physical and emotional connection before any D/s or cuckold element was brought into our foundation. The rest all developed as we learned more about each other, found safety to share our deepest desires and found with each other acceptance of all our weakness and human frailties. He says my only frailty is that it takes me 'way' too long to get ready to go anywhere! I'll let him believe that's the only one. :)
Would we ever walk away from the D/s and the cuckold elements of our relationship? Only if we found it no longer played into our overall dynamic of who we are. We do talk about this. Especially with us living apart for now. We both believe that it will always be there to some degree and that when we are finally together full time it will only increase in intensity. We draw it out of each other and look forward to it deepening who we are together. But the main fact is that it is 'our' journey together. We are writing the 'play book' along the way. We have never been ones to follow anyone's script.
I'm grateful that our foundation was first founded on 'us' as a couple. We are first 'that', a couple. The rest only colors who we are. And laughter! No one can make me laugh louder and lose my breath and words like NB can! And he is all so innocent when he does! His humor seemingly comes out of no where! Here is a fine example that I'll leave you with that is part of the glue that holds us together....
When NB was last here we were laying on my bed, TV going in the background and we were talking about our plans for the next day. When we are snuggled together like that he enjoys, as I do, finding peace and comfort with his mouth pressed into my bare breasts, nibbling and suckling away as my fingers run through his hair and I gently kiss him along his closed eyes and forehead. It's a warm, beautiful and loving ritual we share. I'm getting lost in his attention, my mind wandering as my body responds to his care when out of the blue he mumbles through his pressed lips, "I want to push the cart." We had been discussing shopping at Walmart the next day maybe five minutes prior to his statement. I burst out laughing so hard I couldn't find my words as he surprisingly felt my breast pulled from his adoring mouth! He looked at me with his eyes so wide, wondering what I was laughing at! Simply... I know this man! I know how off the wall comments can come flying out of his mouth at the craziest times and it unleashes in me a deep laughter that runs though my body and soul. I love him so much for having the ability to do that. It's not on purpose...its just who he is...genuine, unafraid and unpretentious with me. Vulnerable and open in all ways. How I love that! How I thrive on that. That is what takes me through some of the hard times we have had. That is what we are built on. That is what gives me the strength to be the dominant we both need. That is something I hope my friend L finds someday. An honest, free, unpretentious relationship that fills all of his desires. First ... find the one that can make you laugh!
Love men who are free and have genuine smiles!
Be who you are ... always!