Sexual Compatibility!

No matter what the relationship is: Vanilla, F/m, M/f, M/s, BDSM, D/s or any gender blend; what holds a relationship together as a foundation is friendship. Enjoying the company of the other person, even if you're just 'hanging out' doing nothing special at all. You just enjoy their company. You feel relaxed and yourself in their presence. Laughter comes easy and you are blissfully unaware of any insecurities, weaknesses and failures you may have of yourself. Mix this with sexual compatibility and you have something priceless! Friendship is the foundation but sexual compatibility is an important building block that determines how high that fortress you are building goes.

The nurturing, trust and openness that comes from a strong friendship clears the way for communication that exposes all the dark and suppressed secrets. Here is where sexual compatibility is discovered and a beautiful journey begins that can last for many years.

I know of so many couples, especially married couples, that stay together for children or financial reasons but have found that they are not sexually compatible and at least one, if not both people, are lonely and suffering in the same house. I have been there and it is the loneliest of existence. So with experience under my belt I have learned and am determined in my soul to not find myself in that situation again.  The only way to ensure that is to live an honest and authentic life.

Two people meet and lust colors their attraction and sometimes out of fear of losing the other one agrees and goes along with their wants and desires or the other holds back on revealing their wants and desires out of fear of turning the other away. Fear of revealing our true nature will eventually destroy any intimacy that has developed. Compromising our sexual needs, desires and thinking 'love' is enough will eventually leave you thirsty and hungry for what you have been denied. You are no longer validated as important.  Your voice and needs remain unheard, unmet.

We must know ourselves and be honest with ourselves and others.  It's just not worth it to hide out of fear of discovery!  Your peace, happiness and fulfillment are yours to have. Live fully as the person you were meant to be.

If you're in a committed relationship already that is unsatisfying I'm not saying to abandon the ship! You have chosen your path and need to own up to it and live it out.  But if ever given the opportunity again to live according to the truth of who you are, then do it!  Until then, be honest with the partner you have and try to make it work in all transparency.

To those who are single.... Don't ever settle. The worst thing in life is to end up with someone who makes you feel alone. It's better to be alone and true to yourself than to live half of a life. I believe that once you know who you are and what you want, that the laws of attraction kick in and bring those of the same desires into your life.

I am hopeful for the future. We are all wired sexually in a unique way. It's the magic of finding those who are wired in a complementary way that brings the level of intimacy that I at least must have! I'm a passionate soul and must have that returned in a partner, plus much more! I love this saying below.  Intimacy born out of knowing and full surrender... Mmmmmmmmm

http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/post/74259118825

Vanilla Pets and 50 Shades

Since NB has come back into my life I've had to re-evaluate some of my pets and see who will fit with our cuckold dynamic and who needs go their own way.  One of my pets that I haven't talked much about is Cub.  Cub is an adorable young man (hence the name Cub) that I met about 5 months ago and have had a few intimate lovely times with over those five months.  As adorable as Cub is, he's very vanilla.  The most Taboo thing he has ever done is to be with an older woman - me. He prefers older women and there were a few before me, but he had no idea what he was walking into that first time we met for coffee and his lovely cock was telling him already he needed me.

After many months of talking, I finally agreed to come to his place and it was very exciting.  He was filled with anxiousness, anticipation and a bit intimidated that this woman who was coming over knew what she wanted and how to go about getting it.  He had always been the one in the lead and I intrigued every little horny part in this young man.  After his nerves calmed down with his first orgasm...he settled into the role of a gracious lover and all was well by the time I left.

The second time we met I tried to introduce him into some very light bondage.  Now I love bondage, and wrapping rope around a very athletic, manly frame.  All along I had been talking with him, slowly easing him into more alternative ways of looking at sexual intimacy and his curiosity was there.  I went slowly to not set off his fight or flight mode and overload his vanilla cortex.  I was willing to put in some time to bring him along, hoping he would eventually find those triggers that make BDSM real, authentic and so satisfying!  Well although he looked wonderful in the body harness I had him wrapped in...I could tell it was doing nothing for him, which in turn does absolutely nothing for me!!!!  Ugggggg!!!!   I left that time already mentally crossing him off my 'pet' list feeling that it just was not in his wiring to step beyond his comfort level.

Then NB came back into my life and suggested I needed to give Cub one more chance and see how he would respond to the cuckold dynamic.  Ha!  I laughed!  "He'd run to the hills!"  But that same day Cub sends me a text...horny, hungry and wanting.  Hmmmmm.....

So last night I grabbed some paracord, massage oil, apricot lube and a butt plug just in case this cub was feeling adventurous and off I went to his place.  Now we had been discussing all day about anal play, which he had no experience in.  Another disappointment to me and my lovely strap-on!  But if I could relax him enough I wanted to be prepared with the plug.  ;)  Also I was going to tell him about NB and how things were going to be now and gage his reaction for possible future play.

The evening was all about getting him into a very submissive state, which didn't take long. I love having him strip before me while I'm still dressed, then walk around him and examine how well he has been treating himself.  After some bites and strong slaps on those round hard ass cheeks he has, and running my hands along his sides, down his chest and inner thighs I led him, cock in my hand, to his bed.   After binding his cock and balls with my paracord, oiling up his young frame and much torturous teasing and edging and finally bringing him to a place of climax it was time to talk about what laid ahead.

This is where 50 Shades of Grey comes in!  A great opening into the direction I wanted to lead him.  I asked him if he had heard of it.  Yes he had, but not read it.  I told him my take on it and how ridiculous of a book it was.  He said he wasn't surprised I felt that way, since he knew I was in the lifestyle but every other girl he knew swooned over it!  Ha! They all want to be bedded by Christian Grey!  My god... wait until the movie comes out!  What a mess!

Anyway....it was a great lead for me to explain to him more of my life and introduce the topic of NB, me and cuckolds.  I wish you could have seen his eyes and the expressions on his face.  I know his head was swimming as I lightly explained how the cuckold dynamic works for us. NB is faithful to me whereas I can have whomever I want, when I want. etc......  He smiled at that and I could see he was pondering how this could really be.

Well....after more discussion and leaving Cub with much to think about, I know it's just not in him to flow in the direction my life is taking now. Will I see him again?  I know I can, but I have no desire to.  It ran it's course.  Vanilla and kink can't walk together for very long unless one moves toward the other.  And for me vanilla was never and will never fill the need inside this Domme.

On the bright side my other pet who has been overseas (he was one of the Saturday Eye Candy shots! 8-25-12), will be home next month!  He knows about NB and is excited for the three of us to get together!  Oh he makes my heart beat so fast!  He is crazy, kinky, open and completely surrendered and willing to fill whatever place I have in my life for him. Pure music to this Domme's ears!

I leave you with this image below that reminds me of Cub's surrender last night.  He was delightful and maybe someday will come over to this side since he's had that first taste!

Click pic for source

Vanilla and Kink - Living as One

I happen to believe that combining your vanilla world and kink world in a relationship is not only possible but very exciting.  There are people who are more comfortable with putting their lives in neat little boxes. Everything labeled and in it's own compartment.  I do believe in things being done decently and in order. But I like the sexual part of my life passionate, unpredictable and messy! And I love blurring the lines between my kinky tendencies, quirks and passions and have them accidentally flow into my everyday vanilla life.  I also look for that ability and desire in a partner.

The man who has surrendered his passion, mind, soul and body to me in the bedroom needs to understand that my hunger for him will not stop once we walk into the grocery store. We may be standing in line waiting to pay, with him standing close behind me and he'd better just sigh and grin as I reach my hand back and run it over his crotch, resting my palm over his already growing bulge and just deal with it!  If my mind has wandered over to the lustful things we did just a few hours before and I need to 'cop' a feel of his beautiful cock...I will.  It does rightfully belong to me.  ;)

Another way I love to blend vanilla and kink in our lives is if we are standing and talking to a group of vanilla friends and my arm and hand are resting along my man's back.  As the conversation moves along, so does my hand move down along the cheeks of his ass.  I slowly start to outline them with the palm of my hand and discreetly start to run my fingers along the crack in his jeans, deep in between his legs as he clenches his thighs and ass cheeks together. I can feel the heat of his ass and crotch, moist, warm inviting me once again. These are only a few of the many, many ways I blend the passions of my life.

Passion, excitement and fulfillness comes from the communication of two people who have become opened to each other, transparent and have given each other access to the other no matter where they may be.  That is my way of vanilla and kink living as one.  That to me is an authentic life.

I adore this image below!  It speaks what I am saying here. "You're looking so damn hot right now! Fuck dinner!  Only you can satisfy this hunger! "  Yes!!!!

Click pic for source.

Online Dating – Vanilla or Edge.

These days, people are busier than ever, and they find themselves, romantically, lonelier than ever. Technology has expanded our world not only in commerce but also socially.  And this is a good thing.  Online dating and social networking has connected long lost friends, shared job leads, kept families in touch and played Cupid in bringing together like minded people for dating relationships.

Searching for like minded people is the key point to keep in mind when entering the maze of different online dating sites that fill the Web. It will help you to narrow down your choices. One of the first choices that you need to make is remembering how you are sexually wired.  Even if you are looking initially for a very casual relationship, the end result of any great connection with someone (and isn’t that truly what you eventually want…a great connection) will always result in an intimate relationship.

Be honest with yourself and if you’re not sure how ‘Edgy’ you are sexually wired then choose both a ‘Vanilla’ dating site along with a more ‘Edgy’ one. Keep your options open.  You never know who you may find on that ‘Vanilla’ site!  I know that’s where I found my kinky love of my life!  LOL 

The world really is a candy store!  Just know what you are looking for, write your profile to truly reflect that, and you’ll draw the one you are searching for!  I know for me it was one sentence that my man wrote in his profile that grabbed my attention and was the clue to his deepest desires.  And I was the only one who picked that up!  That clue began our honest communication and built a true intimacy between us.

Be true to you!  Be real in what you are looking for in a relationship. Whether a causal one or long term. Whether a ‘Vanilla’ one or ‘Edge’. The person you are looking for is looking for the real you also!