I had fallen half asleep after hours of touching, fondling, licking, sucking and fucking with NB. It was late, maybe 1:00 am, the room was warm and the only light was from the street lights outside that were peaking through the crack in the drawn curtains. NB was curled around my back side, his large body covering mine. His warmth was soothing and aided to my drifting off. He still had two fingers inside me, every once in a while moving them to remind us both of their presence. I love falling asleep that way, with either his fingers or cock still warmly snuggled inside. And he knows that well.
I feel back asleep and then woke to a much fuller presence inside me. I was still to foggy with sleep to move, but did manage to move my right hand in between NB and my ass to feel he still had his hand and what seemed like more fingers inside me. "Mmmmmmm" ...was all I managed to slip out from between my groggy lips. I debated in my head to stop him, but then enjoying his fullness and knowing how he loves to explore, I gave way to his indulgence.
I laid there protected by his engulfing body; his warmth, generating through me as his fingers gently explored my most sacred place and he kissed along my back and neck with reverence and adoration.
One more finger proved to be too much for a pussy that was already tired from use. He backed out all but two fingers leaving them resting inside me as I requested. Gently he massaged my warm, wet walls as we both eventually drifted off to sleep.
There's a beauty in his exploration of wonder and adoration that I'll always say 'Yes' to.
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Not five minutes after checking into our room, but clothes were off and flesh was pressed against flesh as we said hello to each other's body after a six week separation. The role playing and kinky fun always comes later, after we have established our foundation once again. At first the hunger for each other is too great and I know for me, I just need him close, so close. I need to feel him, smell him and enjoy his touch and kisses once again.
After a great dinner and then back to the room for more lustful indulgence, we basked in the afterglow and tender, intimate conversation naturally flowed from the heart and started to fill the room.
I quietly listened, being held close to him by his arms and pressed against his body. He shared the depth of his heart with me, and then ended by saying, "But the greatest reason why I love you is because when you look at me, you see me."
I was quiet at first. Just letting what he just said settle gently down on us and take root in my heart. This...This is what I wanted him to always understand. And now I was hearing it from his lips, unprompted, unrehearsed; a revelation that finally came to life inside him. A truth of our foundation.
One of the things that attracted me to the D/s life, besides adoring submissive men, was the openness and willingness of others to be vulnerable and dare to find their true selves. To find people not afraid to go against culture, society and whatever rule book that told you as you were growing up that there was only "this" way to live, act and feel that was acceptable.
To know that NB finally understands that I love all the ways about him, accept them, in fact, adore them, because they are all a part of what makes up 'HIM'! And every crazy, kinky and straight way about him, fits very nicely into me! For him to know and understand that I have no desire to change ANYTHING about him! That he is accepted totally and that when I look at him, I don't see a man that is on his way to becoming the man I want, but he already is that man! The greatest gift he could give me, was that statement. That I SEE him. Naked, open, vulnerable...exposed ..and love him unconditionally. Isn't that something we all yearn for? To be truly known and loved for the totality of who we are? No secrets. Secrets make us lonely. At least I have found they make me lonely and I've had enough relationships in my life that left me lonely and not understood.
Life is far too short to live as others feel you should live. Everyone owes it to themselves to find that person who will look at you and truly see you. And love you unconditionally the way you are.
Enjoy today's Eye Candy! I'm enjoying my own personal Eye Candy with NB by my side this weekend. I do wish to say this about my Eye Candy section. I do love to look at fit young men; BUT I adore mature men and my NB no longer looks like a 30 something. ;) But the wealth and knowledge of himself and his soul makes him Eye Candy to me everyday. And his submission of course! I melt each time he surrenders.
NB's glass has been full for some time now. Many months. As I mentioned in a previous post, I finally realized I needed to just step back and give him lots of space. As a dominant I may have experienced that feeling a few times in my life, but not for very long. I tend to deal with things as they come along and cut out of my life the things that are trying to drag me down or steal my energy. On the other hand, NB's glass not only became full, but continually overflowing. Not a good thing. He tends to want to 'please' and ends up over committing and wearing himself thin. He's a very hard worker and equally, worrier over things. If his glass is full and overflows, anxiety and stress run him over and flatten him to the ground.
So I stepped back.... thinking it would take him some time to empty some of that stress that has filled his glass for so long. But 5 days later he's on the phone; been in touch every day and finally bought the ticket to fly to me this coming weekend as he had promised so many weeks ago. He's still a bit fragile, but I'm beginning to understand and not fear being apart from him. I'm no longer afraid to let him go and have him workout some things without me cheering him on.
We learn from each other. His submissive nature around me has a softening effect on this sometimes hard exterior. Fear of not wanting to be disappointed makes me throw my hands up and walk away when things become too much. Where NB will hang in there with his last breath. He's a dreamer, romantic and idealistic. I'm pragmatic and realistic with a sometimes 'take no prisoners' attitude. He is good for me. He makes me want to 'hang in there'. He makes me want to fight for us, where I never have before. I'd just take my marbles and go home without a word. Mumbling 'fuck you' under my breath.
Understanding the 'Glass is Full' concept has been new for me. For me the answer has always been ... just dump out the damn glass and start again. Not always wise; effective for the moment, but not always wise. You tend to miss a lot of good that could have been there also. Whereas NB needs to slowly drain it into a cloth and let the good flow through. I do admire him for that lovely quality.
I'm sure he needs more than 5 days to continue to drain out what has been burdening him, but at least he made some room for us this weekend. It will just be the two of us. Full of lots of steamy, lusty sex, pushing limits and inflicting some much need pain on a hungry submissive. With hopefully the result of emptying his glass even more. ;)
Maybe there really is light at the end of some dark tunnels. ;)