Submissive Men 101 Facts

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The following is only according to this dominant. What I seek, desire, find attractive and keeps my interest. Above all...Keeps my interest.  I do tend to get bored easily. As dominants we come in different genders, personalities and opinions.  It's a question of finding what mixes well with you. As I've mentioned before, will your demons play well with mine?  Or will I find you irritating?

I'm not that complicated.  At least I don't think so, but others have said I am.  What draws me first to a submissive man is the spirit within him. Am I familiar with it? Do we speak the same language as far as expression and what triggers our deepest needs?  Do we have a path between us that we either find fascinating to journey along and/or is it comfortable and one we would enjoy traveling on to our next destination? Does he inspire a need for me to communicate with him?  To share secrets and hear his own? If not, my own communication will grow cold and my spirit will already be turning away from him.  My interest in him gone...rarely to ever return.

So here is a list that will open your eyes to this dominant and may help you with others if they share the same opinions:

1.  Know your yourself.  You know what lies beneath your skin and desire to find someone compatible to explore those desires with. You have pushed paralyzing fear aside and have come to terms that life is to be lived fully.

2.  Newbies.  Personally I don't have a lot of patience for newbies. I realize they have to start somewhere. And there are exceptions. But overall I have found newbies filled with fantasies and, depending on the porn they have watched, bad ideas on what a female dom is and what to expect. There is a lot of time invested in tearing down old ideas mixed with their old vanilla nature and I don't enjoy the process.  So mostly, no to newbies.

3.  Men/little boys.  This has some fine lines involved.  Yes, this one can be complicated.  For the right submissive it has to come naturally and he must possess that magical mixture of testosterone laced masculinity, and when alone with me display a vulnerability and surrender that radiates an acknowledgement that in my presence he forgets all that makes him man.  He forgets his name, his age, his profession and becomes again a deviant little boy longing to please the woman who holds the key to his desires.

4. Begging vs Whining. To me there is a difference!  To beg is to know your need is vital and it comes from a deep place within your soul.  It's part of your makeup and something that has become a part of our lives together.  It can be playful when we are reading each other's mood correctly.  Most importantly an unselfish submissive will know when 'no' is 'no' and stop his request immediately.  Whereas whining is seen by me as a feeble attempt to push ones own selfish agenda.  When this submissive receives a 'no', he proceeds to ask again as if an answer has not been given or chooses to murmur and complain.  If I see even a sliver of this behavior, the submissive will be ejected immediately from my life. It's a red flag. And my interest has already died.

5. Greedy vs Bratty.  NB was and still is a very greedy sub. But his greed comes from a deep hunger that tends to get deeper with each morsel of deviant behavior thrown his way. It's a 'wide eyed' wonder of discovery and creates a desire to go even further. I love seeing that hunger rise in a sub. It's filled with appreciation and expectation. Bratty behavior exposes a sub's own agenda and wanting his own way without any thought or appreciation of others. It's not about the person bringing forth the desire, but the action and thrill he is seeking no matter what vessel it flows from. It's self gratification.  This is easy to spot.

6. Listen. This is the most important fact that will help no matter who you are as a sub or what dominant you are seeking.  Listen. Pay attention to what is being said and follow accordingly. Don't pretend to listen, when really all you're doing is preparing your own answer and/or reason for your request. Your words will betray you.  I do listen to what you say and how you respond. Listening shows you really care about building something and working the bugs out along the way.

Just a few facts that hopefully will open the door to some relationships and maybe fine tune your method of building a connection with a dominant such as myself.

Show me. Tell me. Expose yourself to me intimately, honestly.  It's a good start.  ;)

~ Vista

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Fantasies! How Hungry are You Really?

I've waited for you to make a move long enough!

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This will probably come across as venting....but I do hope some men listen and think about their thoughts and actions.  So here it goes... I wish more men would act out or at least search out those to act out the fantasies that keep them awake at night and sometimes over take their thoughts during the day.  Legal, sane, with consent fantasies.  Maybe it's a communication problem.  They just have a hard time getting across what they want.  Or they are so immersed in their fantasy that they forget it will take flesh and blood people to bring it to pass. Whatever the case is, I saw this pic above and loved how his fantasy came alive, taking him by surprise!  Now what will he do?  I find some men are content to only dream of what it would be like. I say life is too damn short to only dream and not plan on taking some kind of action.  

What has always kept me being a risk taker is not wanting to miss an opportunity for an adventure that intrigues me and also not waking up in my 80's plus and regretting that I wasted so much of my life playing it safe.

Have I suffered heartache?  Damn right I have!  Probably my share and yours combined!  Have I made mistakes and regretted some decisions.  Yes!  Of course!  Did I walk away with lessons learned, and an understanding of relationships and human nature?  Yes!  And wisdom I share with all who will listen.  Is this only a 'man' thing. No, but I only deal with men in my life in an intimate way so they are my focus. 

I don't want to hear why you can't move forward.  Why you must stay stuck in your dream world. The bible says that if you have already thought it in your heart you have already done the deed. It's there, the desire is alive and your body becomes hungry for it.  If you're never going to act on it, then stop thinking about it and walk away!  Just walk away.  Don't cry in your soup why it's so unfair etc.  You standing still only tells me that you are not really hungry!  Not enough to do something about that hunger!  Grab your life, grab your thoughts, be responsible for them and do something about it!  Either change your circumstances, or look for opportunities to explore your fantasies or leave them in the dust behind you never to unroll and expose them again.  (Good luck with that last one.)

NB may drive me crazy at times with all his ways but the one major thing that keeps me bonded to him is his hunger.  It intoxicates me and his hunger seems to grow the longer we are together.  It's real, raw and completes him.  Be honest with yourself...always!  No one can live your life but YOU. No one.  

The Sound of His Voice

There is nothing more erotic to me and switches me from a non sexual mood to feeling the moisture starting to accumulate between my legs, then to hear the voice of a very masculine, alpha male who is in charge and in control throughout the day, slipping from that strength into a submissive, vulnerable surrender. And when the man who owns that voice is one you know so well intimately, the change can happen in a matter of mere minutes because you know just what to say to trigger his deepest need.

I've heard NB's voice calm and also stern and authoritative. I've heard him talk with clients, associates, family and servers in a restaurant  It's a confident, assured voice.  One people listen to and are sometimes entertained with.  I know his voice well.  But the voice I love the most, is the one only I hear.  His submissive voice. That one belongs to me and speaks volumes of our bond.

It's a quiet, soft and humble voice.  It speaks of surrender and respect for who we are as a couple. It's bathed in our passion and his knowledge that he has exposed himself to me in the most intimate of ways and the thought of how I know and understand him leaves him vulnerable and transparent in my sight. The simple word, "yes" leaving his lips is pregnant with surrender as his soul reaches out to me and places it's trust in my care.  His body heaving sighs of relief at my touch or the sound of my voice, leaving tension and worry at his feet.  How I love the freedom in his voice as it acknowledges the sensations washing over his frame, freely expressing to the world his pleasure.

Yes... I will never tire of the sound of his voice.

Mine.....

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Angry Sex!

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Sometimes....When emotions run deep and inner struggles are too complicated to express with words, 'Angry Sex' is the best remedy.  I'm not referring to violent, land him in the hospital sex, but passionate, controlled and the "I want to fuck the shit out of you" mind set!  What better way to release all the pent up adrenaline rushing through your veins.  Getting your heart rate up, getting deliriously lost in the synergy between both of you and ending in great orgasmic release! Sweat, fury, tears...somehow catharsis for the soul.

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Saturday Eye Candy!

To celebrate Saturdays and that some Saturdays I have way too much time on my hands, here is a favorite Eye Candy today from my tumblr site! http://sexualdestinies.tumblr.com/

Click pic for source

 

Had a hard time determining what pic to use for today. Had three I was going back and forth on.  This one finally won because of the tight ass and ink on his arm.  Such a weakness for good placed ink and a tight ass!!!  And I'm drawn to men with dark features.  The Italian in me I suppose.  But his eyes say so much.  Full of questions and waiting to tell his story.  "Just continue to lay there pet.  You'll be telling me all when I am through."

Heart Reflections - Endings and Beginnings

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Sometimes, and come to think about it, many times, life and relationships do not go the way you thought they would in the beginning. Whether Vanilla or Kinky, we are still people with flesh and blood, hearts and souls, desires, needs and wants.  And the older we get, sometimes lots of baggage that can't seem to get unpacked! I've been taught and hold true to this life fact: To look closely at the people that cross my path in life and cherish and hold dear whatever lessons they come with. Some are meant to be friends, some lovers, some mentors and all teachers of something.

 

I find letting friends come and go in and out of my life is a natural flow that I easily accept and sometimes can anticipate our closeness coming to an end.  With lovers it all depends on the dynamic and truth that lies in the relationship. If it's filled with open communication, then there is a flow and signs that things are not going in the way you thought they would.  Those relationships seem to end with closure for both parties and hearts that heal and rebound faster...willing and able to love again.

 

Then there are some that come into your life, and you see early signs that communication will be lean. But you're a risk taker in life and you shrug off the warnings and swim in the heady, erotic pleasures that are found in the relationship. When this one ends, because the communication is lean, the closure is erratic and questions go unanswered. No amount of "I wonder, should have, or what if" is going to change what transpired. The few times I've found myself without closure, it has taken me months for my heart to take the memories that so easily flood my mind day after day and finally reconcile that it is over.  But I hang on knowing that the time will come and the memories will be cherished and lessons will be understood. I'll take the gems that were forged out of the fire of disappointment and adorn my future with their wisdom.

 

Below is a wonderful saying and truth that makes me smile! Use it in your own life for those times when you wonder, "What happened?"  And you have no answers.  "The people who want to stay in your life will always find a way!" 

 

Yes!  I truly believe that! 

 

 

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To Surrender You Must Talk to Me!

Communication is important for the success of any relationship. Whether it's a business partnership, casual friends, boss and employee or lovers. The ability to share your thoughts, ideas and concerns help clear away assumptions and bring clarity to whatever subject is between you.

We have all been in relationships where a word is spoken or a look given and based on past history with that person or not we immediately find a reaction rising up. Now we may not act on that feeling, and hopefully if it causes us conflict we'll bring that up so there can be a discussion.  I have found that many times what I thought was meant, actually was not to be taken that way and what could have turned into an offense or hurt was now dissolved through clarification.

I find this to be especially critical in a D/s relationship. What attracts me and keeps me in the D/s world is the honesty and vulnerability that can be expressed without judgement.  A place to embrace who you are and find those who will compliment you along your journey.

As a dominant female there is nothing more beautiful to me than the submission of a strong, virile man not afraid to open up his soul and bring you along on a journey of discovery.  To know that he feels safe with you and trusts you with his deepest secrets that even family and close friends don't know about.  To be that safe place where he can be free to be the fullness of who he is without judgement or criticism.

But in order to achieve that place there must be communication.  I'm not a mind reader and if I was, I still would have to make my way through the maze of your thoughts to get to what you are trying to say to me.  I don't know how you feel, what motivated you to search for me and find me or what you want from our partnering unless we talk! 

To surrender you must talk to me. Take that step, even if it is a baby step, and start to share what is on your mind. Show me that you are serious about your surrender and not just looking to fulfill a fantasy. I'm not expecting novels or even chapters of a book. But an honest quest to embrace the fullness of you and be celebrated in that fullness.  Even if it takes years to unfold...let our time together be productive...even if it is only the beginning of your journey and I am only your first guide.

Talk to me.