Tuesday, June 30, 2015

The Problem with Denial is Denial.

Noun -Denial:

  • The failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism. 

I'm not sure when I became a master at this defense mechanism or why. It must have been very early in my life. When my mother suddenly died when I was 10 I had already learned how to subconsciously clothed myself in denial. That day I was sent to a neighbor's house while the ambulance carried my mother away. I played that day as if nothing had happened and didn't grieve over her loss until I was 26. I have since lost others who have been close to me and called myself a survivor after each one. Looking back over my life denial also kept me from confronting problems until they were so insurmountable they couldn't be ignored. Swift judgement would then be cast and carried out. Always surviving, so I thought.

I didn't realize my insensitivity to subtleties of a problem or my disconnect in a relationship when they were evident was the work of denial in my life. A white washing in order to not face another disappointment. Thinking that I was being generous to let people work through their issues on their own. Later I would kick myself for not being more 'present' and aware. For not being fearless to take the chance to talk through things and hopefully salvage what good was still there. I was fearless in many other areas of my life. Why not when it came to issues of my heart?

You'd think with maturity, experience and wisdom an understanding of the importance of paying attention to subtle warning signs would be acknowledged. But the problem with denial is itself DENIAL.

There's a hope when you enter a relationship. A hope that the words spoken to each other will hold up over time. That lust, passion, desire, respect and eventually love will keep hearts honest and communication open. But that is how I look at things when a foundation is being formed. Denial comes into play when the other person doesn't see things or operate according to my way of thinking. Denial sweeps away the feeling that emotions are shifting, desire is changing and denial says they are just having an off day. Give them some space. Because if things weren't working they'd tell me right? Because they want this to work also right? Because that's what I would do. Right?

Denial! A light has been cast into your dark abode! I do not have the full comprehension of how deep your tentacles have rooted in my soul.  But hear me now. I am fearless and my face has been turned towards you.

Our Lives are Written on Our Soul.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

We are Moving!

Yep! Finally took the leap and Sexual Destinies is moving to its own site! Time to grow up and join the big leagues! We are still in the process of building the other blog on Word Press. Gawd... I am going to miss working in Blogger ... it was sooo easy! Now I have to learn all over again! So this may be in the works for a few weeks as I learn my way around their dashboard. If any one has any suggestions and knowledge on Word Press pass it along please!

I did find a lovely submissive here locally who has helped me to move to another server and he even transferred my data! What a gem! I owe him... a lot. His wish list will be enjoyable to fulfill! xxxooo

The new URL:  http://www.sexualdestinies.com/

It's a bit of a mess right now.. so I'll continue to blog here until the transfer is done. Thank you to all of my followers! I sincerely hope I don't lose any of you in the move!

I'll keep everyone posted of the progress!


~ Vista


Sunday, June 21, 2015

To All the Daddies...Happy Father's Day!

Fathers: Always remember that many eyes are following you as you move throughout your day.

Your sons are learning how you handle adversity.
Your daughters are learning how you touch the one you love.
Your sons are learning how you use your voice when instructing.
Your daughters are learning how you use your voice within your emotions.
Your sons are learning that you follow through on your commitments.
Your daughters are learning about trust and honor.
Your sons are learning about humility and strength.
Your daughters are learning they can conquer anything when self worth is validated.
Your sons are learning how to walk with the one they love.
Your daughters are learning from you the rhythm of that walk.

Happy Father's Day.

xxoo ~ Vista


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

e[lust] edition #71 ~ Enjoy!

The Shingle Beach 
Photo courtesy of The Shingle Beach

Welcome to Elust #71 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #72? Start with the rules, come back July 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!  

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Backyard Glory
Bra Wars
Versions of Ourselves

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Disabled characters: who do I write them for?
How Can You Think About Sex Right Now?

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*


All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!  

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

How We Started Swinging: Part 2 
Notes to my younger self 
I am what I am 
Sometimes Submission Requires Standing Up 
I know how to fix a texting mistake. 
Change Is A Four Letter Word 
Zero to Sex Pot in 150 minutes 

Erotic Non-Fiction

23 Minutes Of Play 
Services Rendered
Depravity’s Communication
Sinful Sunday: The Reveal

Erotic Fiction

No Panties 
A Woman's Experience of Lust 
Wicked Wednesday: Three 
An Uncommon Case 
Misused Petals
(portrait of) desire 
Her Turn A Day 
At The Beach

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Am I Jaded? 
Fury Road's Furiosa and femdom 
Sub power, Domly Vulnerability 
In Person I Found You Very Innocent..... 
Still A Cherry Tree


Catching Up: A Happy Horny Haiku 
What You See

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Hey, Feminism? Your ugly is showing. 
The Bigger Picture
Naive College Virgin Reads Penthouse Letters 
Squirting is Not a Science 
Missing “Story of O” scene discovered!
ELust Site Badge

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Chasing Orgasms

Morning light filters through the blinds across the bed. It's hours before daily obligations will beckon me to their locale. I'm sprawled across the clean crisp sheets with a cup of coconut oil by my side. I dip my fingers into the cool white thick substance and at contact with my skin the oil immediately warms and liquefies. The action of my fingers gently touching the hood of my clit acts like a primer and my own juices start to flow mixing with the delicious slick oil.

With my eyes closed and a soft breeze floating across my bare sultry flesh a parade of past lovers come to view. My fingers dance around the outline of my wanting puss, slipping and sliding easily between the curve where my inner thighs meet her fleshy lips. Teasing and brushing lightly at her opening, desire builds. The chase has begun.

The memory of a passionate lover with wandering fingers and a ravenous mouth makes my fingers flicker as I remember his touch and attention. I can almost smell him and my fingers seem to hold the memory of his movements. Or is it the memory of my delighted pussy that is guiding the way? At that moment I don't care who is in control. I only want to savor the journey of the chase. I can feel the pulsing of the first orgasm building. My clit stands erect and I swear sometimes she acts as if she's a cock wanting to penetrate a warm soft place. The fullness builds inside me, pushing toward that delicious peak...the top of that mountain that holds her release. My fingers are a blur as I climb higher and she pushes against my hand harder, fingers probing and sliding everywhere. Electricity shoots through my clit as a gush of my juices flows over my now slow moving fingers. Softly they stroke along the sides of my inner lips as waves of warmth and endorphins wash over my frame. I take my time coming back down from the top of the mountain. Indulging in the satisfaction of the first climax. As my mind begins to clear, my fingers continue to gently explore. I can feel there are at least two more orgasms to be drawn out.

Another lover comes to view and my fingers find their rhythm again. A bit softer this time as the need and hunger slowly builds. I can feel the tingling and excitement as the next orgasm makes it way from its hidden place. They call out to me to discover where in my vagina they lurk. It's a beautiful and exciting chase as I entice them one by one from their dwelling place.

Monday, June 8, 2015

That Demon...Sexual Chemistry!

Pheromones: A Chemical substance produced and released into the environment by an animal, especially a mammal or an insect, affecting the behavior or physiology of others of its species.

There are four types of chemistry: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual. How great it would be to experience all four with someone. But rare and unlikely. My top three would be Physical, Mental and Emotional. My top two: Mental and Emotional. Yes...I left out Physical because I have found when the physical isn't there in the beginning but the mental and emotional are there the physical will follow as the relationship deepens.

In my younger years physical chemistry was all that mattered. A case in point is the father of my three children. The chemistry was off the charts and still lingers between us when we are in the same room after 35 years. But the physical chemistry was not enough to hold together a doomed marriage when nothing else clicked between us. Six years was long enough to have three beautiful babies. I still believe our bodies just knew they were to procreate together! ;)

It took maturity on my part to understand the importance for me of Mental and Emotional chemistry. A lesson and truth I didn't fully understand until I met NB. My ex sub. We had been talking on the phone for almost six weeks before we finally met face to face. Yes we had exchanged pictures but at that first meeting he was not someone I would have been immediately attracted to. He is a big man 6'4" and a bit overweight. He overpowered me in his stature when I stood next to him. If I had met him for the first time in that bar without knowing who he was deep inside I would not have given him much thought. But as big as he was on the outside he was even bigger as a man on the inside and that was the powerful magnetic force that pulled me towards him. The Mental and Emotional chemistry. Over time the Physical and Spiritual chemistry emerged. He was beautiful to me in every way. He'll always live in my heart.

Chemistry is that magic in the air and unmistakable euphoric feeling that washes over you when the object of your affection is in your presence or even your thoughts. You have an overwhelming desire to be close to them, touch them, kiss them...hell, devour them! Sometimes it starts out slow as the relationship develops, but more often it's an instant feeling that makes you dizzy and disrupts the neurotransmitters in your brain! It's more lethal than passion and more powerful than lust. You connect with an the energy matching yours and sexual endorphins are released. What's hard is when you are feeling that connection and the other person does not. I've been on both sides of that coin and neither is welcomed. It happens...hence why I call it a demon! It has a mind of its own with little consideration of what you are looking for!

As I journey through life connection and chemistry remain an important deciding factor on whether further investment of my time will be spent. How I wish I could bend the will of that demon chemistry! Experience has proven physical chemistry alone is fickle and not enough. Out of the four I have learned to trust the Mental and Emotional connection. They seem to be the more stable out of the four! But what do I know! I'm still searching.  ::Smile::

Thursday, June 4, 2015

In Person I Found You Very Innocent.....

"In person I found you very innocent.....different from the unspeakable things you write about." Hearing these words I immediately thought of the internet porn images of dominant females and how men, especially young men have been indoctrinated in the mind set that dominant females walk around with thigh high net stockings, corsets under their clothes and a cane and whip in each hip pocket. That we bark out commands and humiliate men in a disrespectful and degrading manner as the worms they are. My perception of the men I allow into my life is far from the image of a worm.

I'm a multifaceted woman with a full life. I work a Monday-Friday job during the day, write at night and April thru September I have a seasonal job on the weekends. My treat is connecting with my friends on Fet, perving their pics and loving their writings. I occasionally get out for some impact play with friends, networking with other doms and there's the continuous vetting of curious subs. (I have yet to find a match.)

Yes I have the corsets, thigh highs, canes etc... I love it all. What I write is inspired from my life if not taken straight from a moment in time. I have said many times, "Don't let my kindness be taken as weakness." I've been told, "You're very caring, kind hearted and gentle with a sweet voice. Respectful, innocent and passionate." My response is; Thank you. But I do question the 'innocent' description.  ::Smile::  Maybe what they see is the wonder that is still in my eyes and the hope that people are honest and truthful. Does that somehow translate into me not being dominant?

A man's surrender to me must be a compelling willingness and urge on his part to trust me with his inner being. I'm a treasure hunter for the gold within. The beauty that lies underneath the male swagger. Cruelty, brutality and ruthlessness is not in my nature. And I choose to be very picky with the men I allow into my life. My dominance over them must be inspired by who they are and naturally draw out of me the desire to own, control and rule over them with a firm but gentle hand. Which is why I find casual play boring and uninspiring. It's just not for me.

So..... If you ever make it to the place where we meet in person, keep in mind you're going to meet the woman first. And this woman is looking to see if the man within you can draw out the desire in me to dominate the man who longs to surrender.

And don't let my 'innocence' fool you. ::Wink::