Many who follow this blog know that NB and I live in different states. It's been that way for two years now. There are multiple reasons why it is what it is, and our goal is to eventually be together in one place. It has it's challenges and it forces us to be creative and when together, to concentrate on just us. I have been working almost 7 days a week since April and that has taken a toll, but that is coming to an end in two weeks and I'll finally have weekends free again. That will bring another shift in our relationship. A good one. Any shift in our lives has proven interesting. And we have weathered them all.
One of the outcomes of all we have gone through and living separately in a cuckold and D/s relationship is working on communication. D/s is the foundation of who we are together and the cuckold dynamic is a thrilling spice ingredient that drives us both. But I always remember that first and foremost we are people, with emotions, needs, desires, fears and our own insecurities.
Insecurities is what I want to speak of in this post. No matter how crazed NB can get and relish any sexual activities I experience, whether he is present or not, I know his emotions are being tossed around and I've learned how to read and know when he needs to be my only lover. I can tell by his words, whether he is drawing back or open with me. Although he would never admit it, I know when he needs to feel the strength of being my primary lover.
It's like I roll a curtain over that part of our lives and momentarily concentrate on only him. There may be conversations of Mr Snow's cock and how lovely it is, or any other lover that has been in our lives. But the difference being that I'm ending with the confirmation that it's his cock that is truly mine and I love owning it. Using it however I desire and knowing he'll never deny me any request. And that is where the D/s starts to trump all else. He is my submissive and always will be. I thrive on his surrender to me. I love owning that man!
The more strength and security I can bring to NB and our relationship, the deeper is his submission to me. I need him to trust me and feel safe in the vulnerability of his surrender. It is in that strength of his that he is able to journey into uncharted places.
My goal, as his dominant, is truly to inspire him to be great in everything that lives inside him. To embrace the beauty of who he is as he sees himself reflected in my eyes, smile and touch.
Sometimes he needs to be my only one. Sometimes, I need that also.
This was a heart-warming read.
ReplyDeleteFrom a submissive man's point of view, insecurity and the associated feelings of jealousy, and the overwhelming fear of loss, both loss of self-esteem and loss of the Other, are major issues.
Of course dommes suffer from insecurity too, but it tends to be articulated differently.
It's clear that in D/s, as in vanilla, there are relationships that are one-sided and exploitative, and that are more or less bound to end in disaster. The exploitation is usually enacted by the partner who has, or feels they have the upper hand emotionally.
Perhaps it's easier, given the dynamics of D/s for a submissive man to be exploited, unless he has a particularly strong sense of his own inner worth. Submission does not have to mean that one is a doormat, after all.
There are other relationships that are caring, loving, and mindful. Yours is clearly one of them.
Thank you! And thank you always for commenting and following this blog. ;)
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